Loving-kindness and Compassion, Sometimes Easier Said Than Done

This one is going to be a personal one, folks, so hold on and keep your hands and feet inside the blog at all times.

I am struggling with forgiveness and looking at a situation with loving-kindness. Just the one situation, mind you, but yea, I'm failing big time. When Brice was in the hospital his family actively tried to split us up. I hadn't seen him for a week and I had basically no food in my house. Shit was desperate. I had no idea if he had started the process for his disability. I had no idea what was going on. Also, at this time, I was completely unmedicated. My anxiety was being an asshat. It was terrible. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack 24/7. Every time I would call up to the hospital brainwashed Brice would tell me if I wanted to talk about money he was going to hang up because his step-mother had told him my stress inducing wad "not conducive" to his "healing environment". I hear those words in random order and it pisses me off to this very day. Then his cousin came up there and told him I was "talking shit" about him on facebook. Apparently, letting people know where he was, how they could reach him, and what the situation was is talking shit because I told them he didn't take his insulin and that is what caused it. There was a point where he told me that his step-mom was telling him he was going to go home with them and stay there until he healed. It took over a year for that to heal in the end.  So I would have basically been alone for a year.  At another point he told me his family thought we should get divorced.

Well, at that point I was done playing nice.

I went up there and told him either he wanted me and his kids or he wanted his family. Sometimes you have to break ties for a while to rid yourself of a toxic influence. I had been trying for years to get him to take his meds, constantly fighting for his life, while his family did nothing. The only time they did anything was when it was finally a critical thing and then all they did was try to convince him it was somehow my fault. While I was there I found out that his step mother went so far as to tell his doctor our house was so filthy he couldn't possibly come home. Yeaaaaa, my house isn't dirty.

Fast forward to last week, I've finally started trying to accept at least his sister again. I don't really want to, but I also don't want to harbor all the shit I have towards her. I'm trying. his sister calls and decides we are all going to get together the day after thanksgiving, Brice agrees, no one asks me. Maybe I'm expecting a lot of him to consider me, I don't know. I didn't say anything for a few days, but the more I thought about being in the same room with his step mom and his dad the angrier I got. Me, the girl who was trying, really trying to let go of all this emotional shit I'd been carrying around  and really doing it, was starting back at square one.

Finally, I realized I couldn't forgive these people.

I tried and tried, but I can't seem to do it. It's stressing me out. Finally I bring it up to Brice, I try to calmly tell him how I feel and a fight ensues. Now, I know none of this is worth everything it is causing and that my inability to let go is partially causing the suffering. How do I let this go? There has been a major breech of trust. I don't want to be around these people. Hell, we don't even usually see them on holidays. I don't know what to do. I need guidance, advice.

My question to you, when someone has hurt you so deeply how do you forgive them enough to be around them?

Help an Angry Girl out?