I'll Have What She's Having

You know, I know Buddhism has helped me be calmer, but I hadn't really seen it in absolute action until today.

Let me tell you something, I have anxiety problems out the ass. It is a huge problem fo me. I'm medicated, don't worry, but even then I sometimes flip out. Taking my three kids out to dinner causes me untold levels of anxiety. Often the phrase,"Amanda, are you flipping out," will pass the lips of my husband. Of course, I always glare at him, the heat of a thousand suns shooting from my eyes, and say,"No." I am flipping the fuck out, though. Inside my inner pissed off girl is doing somersaults and cussing like a sailor from 1941. It always ends with me needing to take a pill.

Today, we took the kids out to eat. It was already later than what we normally eat due to a doctor's appointment, so the kids were antsy and the oldest ADHD medicine had worn off. Waiting for a table the youngest and the oldest were fighting over who got to hold my hand and the youngest was blowing raspberries on my belly through my shirt. Meanwhile the middle child was eyeballing a lady who was very short of stature and, lets just say, he has no filter. All this going on and I am being bounced around like a damn ping pong ball and there stands the husband, oblivious.  I took a deep breath and I looked down at the middle child and said, "Don't even think about it." Then took care of the fighting over the hand situation. I was quickly moving into freak the hell out territory.

We get to our table and our waitress is clearly frazzled. That's fine,it's busy in there. We order our food and drinks and wait. Then we wait and wait some more. My husband has made three trips to the salad bar when our food arrives, but we still have no drinks. Now, my youngest son is infatuated with trying to touch the lady behind us, so I am still on pretty high agitation mode. When our drinks finally get there mine is still absent.

Normally, this would be where I get really pissed off and shut down. Instead, I made the choice to look at this in a compassionate light. She was busy, who knew what kind of day the woman was having. Be nice to her, smile, tell her it's no big deal. Because, really, in s the grand scheme it isn't a big deal. I got my drink and isn't that what I wanted all along?

After than I calmed down and my kids started to listen. I had a good time.

It's crazy how something as simple as trying to see things with love and compassion while being mindful of what's going on can really change a situation.

for the first time in about six years, I successfully went out to dinner with my family and did not need to take an anxiety pill.

A Proud Angry Girl.