Bowling for Budddha

First, I want to say that I am thinking of everyone effected by the hurricane. It is a crazy disaster that no one ever expects. If you're out there, help everyone. Take care of each other.



Now, onto the blog. Last night I went bowling with Hope, my other best friend. Yes, I have two. I'm super awesome that way. Obviously, bowling isn't about Buddhism, it's about knocking down pins. It's about being competitive and talking shit while you bowl like crap. Well, if you bowl like me anyway.

Anyway, you wouldn't think it's about Buddhism, but you'd be wrong. I was listening to a Dharma talk about being mindful and what that means the other day. While I was bowling gutter balls, it came to mind somewhere between saying, "fuck," and laughing my ass off. Maybe, I thought, my problem is that I'm not really being mindful of the moment. Maybe my issue was I was too busy trying to come up with a comeback after I threw the gutter ball to avoid the gutter ball.

So, I try it. I pick up my purple ball, which had already bruised my thumb but butch was purple I wasn't using another ball, and I marched towards that line, I did my ridiculous little hop and I THOUGHT about where I wanted the ball to go. I was aware I was releasing the ball and that it was going to knock the shit out of those pins. I got a strike. Hope was like, "uhh I'm supposed to be kicking your ass," and I was like, "Buddhism bitches, being mindful gets strikes."

Now, you say, "Amanda, fucking duh. You are supposed to take your time when you bowl or that shit goes all kinds of wrong," and that would be true. That being said, I'm not a patient person. I and definitely someone who lives about two steps ahead of what I am actually doing. In fact, I am thinking about how many hits this blog will get and I haven't even posted it. It's just a fact of who I am. Buddhism is all about the opposite of that; being mindful.

Take that a few steps farther and it is a great way not to get caught up in past or future. I don't know about you , but when I do manage to live in the moment I am a hell of a lot happier.  And isn't that what life is all about, living through the great moments? Being a photographer I am always capturing people's moments, but I was missing out on so many of my own being preoccupied with what test on what bone would turn out to be what or what bill we could pay what week and what we could live without for a few days. I think, maybe, had I known then some of the things I know now I would have been able to step back and remind myself that worrying about the future wasn't going to change it and having a huge blowout fight over something that may come to pass is just such a waste of time and I might have been able to enjoy my life more. Sure, we were poor and shit was tough, but my kids were healthy and happy. Shouldn't that have been my focus? Who knows.

Now, I guess the lesson I am putting out here is, always be mindful of what you are doing. It seems so fucking simple; think before you do shit. Yet, a lot of us don't do that. Instead of complaining about the end of summer, be aware of the beauty of the fall because if you get so wrapped up in what you will do next summer how will you ever find the time to jump in a pile of leaves?


Hopefully someone out there finds this blog helpful. I'm just learning, so by no means am I a teacher. don't we learn better as a group, though? We are pretty social animals.

Angry Girl, signing off.

I'm angry, I like cookies, could Buddhism be for me?

There is only one way to find out if Buddhism is for you, try it. It doesn't matter if you scoff at meditation. As far as I can tell, most Buddhists have at some point. What matters is you read the teachings and you give it a chance.


I want to share with you one of my favorite Dharma Talks so far.

http://againstthestream.org/audio/item/the-fire-sermon?category_id=5


I love this talk. I love how Noah delivers it. I love the message of it. Noah has this way of just explaining the teachings in an easy to understand way. That is a huge thing. To be able to relate to the younger adult generations of today's American society. To be able to get them to believe in something outside themselves. Huge deal. In this talk the Buddha comes across some fire worshipers. He explains the four noble truths and the eightfold path in a way that relates to them. He adapts his teachings to use examples they will really get into. To me, that means his message was just something so important to him he wanted, possibly needed, people to be able to relate.


If you can adapt in life, you can survive. Maybe that is why Buddhism has survived so long.


Listen to it, even if you aren't interested in becoming Buddhist,I think you can still enjoy it.


He mentions suffering a lot. One of the key teachings is that life, the human experience, is suffering. Now, as true as that absolutely is, he isn't saying happiness is absent. He is saying that part of the human experience is moving from one type of suffering to another and that, in a lot off cases, we bring this upon ourselves. It's normal though, you aren't alone. The way I relate to this is that I have spent the last two years of my life going from one suffering to another and my mind was miserable because I craved a more pleasant path possibly an easier path, thus making me more miserable. To be able to accept the suffering in life without actually allowing it to be yours and shape your life is a big step in the right direction. To be able to say, well I can't afford to do these things that I WANT, but at least I can afford what I NEED and to acknowledge that this too shall pass is a really freeing experience.

So, I guess what I am saying is, there is no wrong place to start. All you need is to WANT to let go. If you are tired of holding on to the suffering and you find yourself thinking, gosh I wish I could eat this cookie without suffering the guilt, maybe you should listen to some Dharma talks. See what happens, Eat another Cookie.

Angry Girl letting Go.

The New Angry Girl on the Eightfold Path

Hi, My name is Amanda and I'm pissed at the world.

That would have been my introduction to people at large about two months ago. Hey, dealing with a life crumbling at a snail's pace will take a lot out of a girl. Don't judge. When I found Buddhism I was already trying to let go of all that anger I was harboring. It's like carrying around a giant leech that says bad things in your ear and you're all, "Ok, leech, I got this," but really you don't.

Had I known a t-shirt could change my life I would have tried to find it years ago. Through this one shirt I found so many avenues for change. At first, I was a little resistant to the idea of meditation helping me in any way, shape, or form. It was just something interesting to read about. Yea, well, we all have to stop lying to ourselves sometime, right?

The first time I sat down to meditate I fell asleep. Yep, the embarrassing kind of falling asleep. The one where your mouth is wide fucking open and a group of your husband's closest friends come over to find you cross legged in your chair, head tilted back, mouth open, out like a fucking light. Still, it must be doing something to have relaxed me so much, right?

So, I decided to try again. And I stayed awake that time. I love to use the guided meditations by Noah Levine. The Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society had some very helpful audio files on their homepage. Everything from Dharma talks, explained so even the biggest punk can get it and say ah-ha, to guided meditations.

Here's the link:  http://againstthestream.org/audio

Now you go enjoy that. Seriously, Noah is fucking amazing.

This blog is my effort to show people things can get better. I'm just a newb to the way of the Buddha. I can tell you this though, I have never felt more content in my life than I do now. So, if you're like me and the world has got you down, but you want to let it go, keep coming by. We can take this journey together.

An Angry Girl once lived here.

The Post Not Heard Around the World

First things first. What inspired me to do this blog? A copy paste from another blog of mine should help explain. So, without further ado, An Open Letter to Ryan Hurst.

So, yea, hi. It’s been a while, blog.

I wanted to find a way to thank someone for really helping me in a round about way. When that person is Ryan Hurst and you’re some girl who lives in Ohio, well, it’s problematic. lol

First, a little back story. For the last few years of my life I have been dealing with the fall out of my husband’s non-compliance in taking his diabetes medicine. He’s had four toes amputated and was off work. Take your insulin, peeps, it’s important. I had to get a crap job at a Walmart portrait studio and we struggled, a lot. It always seems worse when you’re in the thick of it.

Now, on to the reason for my thank you.

About two months ago my best friend and I were talking about Sons of Anarchy. Yep, we love that show. She was telling me about a picture she downloaded for her wallpaper and I was telling her about one I downloaded because Opie (Ryan Hurst) had on such an amazing shirt. I’ll post the picture in just a second, I know everyone likes visual stimulation. So my best friend was all, “Oh, really what kind of shirt is it?” So I send her a link to the picture and she agrees it is an awesome shirt. In true Hope fashion, she then goes on a hunt to find the shirt online. When she does find it (http://theidproject.org/node/773 ) she also comes to find that this is actually a Buddhist philosophy  So, I was curious and I turned to my dear friend Google.

Here is the picture by the way.

Yes, that is the actual wallpaper on my laptop right now. I know, I know. I digress.

How to continue from here, hmmm.

Watching the breadwinner of my family be taken out of the game from late 2009 until August of this year was hard.  On top of that is the lingering reality that, at age twenty-eight, you’re dealing with a disease that ultimately kills people and it is eating your loved one up piece by piece. By the time you start loosing appendages to diabetes it has already wrought all kinds of havoc you can’t see and coming to terms with the fact that your husband probably won’t live to be an old man is a hard thing to do. I’m not the only one who gets that. Many people have, unfortunately, been in my shoes.  You lift your head high and you go on with life. You try not to be angry or resentful. You try to not hold on to all the negative emotions. If you’re me, and I am lol, you fail at that.

You think that once you come out on the other side of something like this you’ll take a big breath, sigh, and say, “Wow I feel better.” Really it’s more like this; Deep breath, sigh, “Why am I still pissed off?”

Fast forward to my conversation about the shirt with my best friend.  We joke and laugh about how awesome it is. We talk about how Opie’s life is an awesome walk through a field of tulips. All the while, I am looking up stuff about Buddhism. At first, it’s just curiousity. I like to know about the things that truly define people. The way I see it, religion, faith, spirituality, you pick the name of it is one of those things. Basically, I’m that insufferable person asking you 48765345769453 questions about junk you don’t really want to talk to me about.

As I read things really start to click and jump out at me. I keep researching. And researching.

Then, another amazing thing happens, I start letting shit go.

Seriously, it’s like a little kid letting popcorn fall out of the cart at Target. I’m just watching it bounce on the floor as I walk away. For the first time in months I am less pissed off.  Less pissed off is a great place to be.  I keep reading.Everyday I am a little bit less pissed off as a person. I stop worrying about the disease and how much time it might steal. I let it go. Little things I used to really enjoy start to be enjoyable again. It’s like waking up from a deep, long nap. Though it hasn’t been long on my path of research and discovery, I have an a-ha moment. I want to be Buddhist.

It’s suddenly like my life is this open book full of blank, fresh, pages replacing the dark, angry, dingy pages that were there before. I really wish I could describe here all the ways that Buddhist teachings, the rather small amount I’ve read so far, have helped my life. I wanted to write this huge touching, but funny, letter of thanks, but it is so hard to accurately relate the amount of change I’ve seen from this.

Why post such a deeply personal thing on such a public forum you ask? Simple. When we affect massive change in someone’s life, whether indirectly or directly, knowing the person is grateful always makes us feel like the things we do are worthwhile. I thought about it for a while before deciding to go this direction. Hell, maybe someone will read this and get curious like I did and read up on it and be changed too.

So, Ryan, Mr. Hurst or whatever a random girl from Ohio should address you as, thank you. Sure, you didn’t walk up and give me The Angry Girl’s Guide to Buddhism, but you did change my life. Even if it was just a t-shirt.