Today my dog died. He was a great boy. I've had him for 14 years. since before I had kids or a husband. He was my first son. In recent months he had developed a degenerative spine disease. I knew he probably wouldn't make it passed Christmas, but it was still shocking for me. When I found him this morning it was clear it was the end. I bathed him, he loved warm water, I dried him, I wrapped him in a blanket and I prepared to let him lay with me until it was over. Because that is what you do for family. An hour or so in, he started crying and I absolutely couldn't deal. I called the vet, put Julian in a box with a pillow and a blanket, packed up my 4 year old, and took him in to have him euthanized. As we sat in the waiting room, my hand stroking his head, my boy passed. They had to refund my money, it was the strangest thing.
Of course, I cried like a baby. I buried him and then walked around on the verge of tears for the rest of the day. My kids took it better than I did, though my 9 year old has made a few comments about how he misses him. Death sucks. Death reminds us that none of us are permanent. Nothing is permanent.
Nine hours later I'm still sad. I've thought I saw him in the house twice. That being said, I'm taking it a million times better than I thought I would. Partially because he was in pain and partially because of the Dharma talks I've been listening to.
Tonight, to try and find some level of acceptance or at least not be quite so sad, I went searching for a talk that would speak to me. This is the one I found http://againstthestream.org/audio/item/on-loss
Against the Stream is such an amazing resource if you are a budding Buddhist in a place where the community is non-existent. I would love to go sit down on a floor pillow and listen to a Dharma talk with like minded people, but that is not something I can do in my area. With the audio of the Dharma talks from Against the Stream I can put one my headphones and hear the talk and feel like I'm there as I hear the cars pass by, the people shifting, all the ambient noise as if I'm there. I love it.
If you are looking for information and reading isn't your thing, Against the Stream is probably the resource for you. Many nights I've found myself on the site just listening to Dharma talks for hours.When I go to Nashville in February I'm going to try to see if I can go to the Against the Stream Center there.When I saw that they had one there I looked at my husband and said, "Holy shit, dude, Ryan Hurst AND an Against the Stream, that shit is a fucking sign," yes, I am a sailor and yes I do call my husband dude often.
So, check out Against the Stream. They are amazing. And think positive thought s for me and being able to go to Nashville and if I do get to go that Ryan Hurst doesn't have to cancel or something. Basically, lets hope everything aligns.
Angry Girl on a Mission
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Humbling from Staten Strong and My Shirt Comes Home
A couple of amazing things happened here in Ohio today. First, I got online this morning and made my daily PSA for Staten Strong, a cause close to my Angry Girl heart, and a little while later I saw this
I feel so humbled. I help Staten Strong because I see the pictures and I think that could be me, my community, my friends, and it's a no brainer to try and get the word out there. I definitely carry this cause in my heart and always will. I think that we often reactively give to these causes that stem from natural disasters and then, slowly, as the media attention fades we forget and move on. It takes years to recover from something like this. I'll put it this way, there are still areas hit by Katrina that have yet to fully recover. Staten Island will need our help for the long haul and they deserve it. They shouldn't have to do this alone. I intend to remind people of this cause as often as I possibly can. Spread the word.
Staten Strong site where you can donate or buy a shirt or hoodie and show your Staten Strong pride
Staten Strong Twitter
Theo Rossi (one of the founders and cast member of Sons of Anarchy) Twitter
Staten Strong Facebook
The second half of my day came with the arrival of THE shirt.The shirt that started it all. The story behind the shirt is here, but if you follow my blog then you probably know what the hell I'm going on about. You know, I sat down today and I thought about everything I've changed in the last few months and I cried. So many things have been given back to me through this new path. No matter how many causes I help, how many individuals I help, how much compassion I show I can never do enough to thank the universe or whatever for just having Ryan Hurst get dressed in this shirt. Such a simple thing to do to give a girl her life back.
How can I ever accurately describe the gratitude I feel, without seeming like that weird stalkery girl from the internet, if I get to meet him in February? Will it seem stupid to him? Will it seem like I've misplaced all this gratitude? I hope not. I hope that I somehow find the words to be able to explain to him what he did for my life. I have so many things running through my head about it. How do you get someone to understand something like this without seeming psycho? If you know, help a girl out. If I get to do that then I feel like this will have gone full circle.
I wear this shirt proudly.
I will continue to use my blog to share my everyday experiences in growing on the Buddhist path, to help Staten Strong, and sometimes even just to make you laugh. I don't care if anyone ever comments again. If I reach even one person then it's worth it to me. If Ryan Hurst wearing a shirt and a thank you from Staten Strong (when I don't think I did much to be thanked for) have taught me anything it is this: Help any way you can, strive to touch people's hearts, leave an indelible mark of compassion on all that you do.
Angry Girl Humbled.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)