Angry Girl and Relationships

When you carry anger and resentment with you like your security blanket, your relationships suffer. As a married woman I can honestly say anger and resentment, no matter how easy they are to harbor, are poison to a marriage.

Sunday, this Angry Girl and her Husband went out on a date. We don't get to do it that often because it is hard to find someone to watch our kids. No idea why, it just is. So we go to  a movie and we go do some shopping, then we go out to eat. Somehow we get into a really deep discussion about our marriage as it was and how far I seem to have come in the last few months. This leads to my husband confessing that he knows he has treated me badly in the past and how sorry he is. I was shocked. Only a few months ago even trying to bring this up would have pissed me off. I would have been convinced it was just another ploy to blame me for shit I didn't cause. It is so easy to jump to anger when it is all you seem to be filled with. You can use anger as a shield and many people probably do.

Yesterday, for the first time in my adult life, I met the conversation with compassion and was mindful of my words and emotions. I understood that the past was just that, the past. It was a very healing moment for me. When you are full of delusions about how others feel about you how do you let them get their actual thoughts out? You don't because you don't want to hear the bullshit you are sure you are about to hear. The anger clouds your judgement. Don't let it. Don't waste your time with it. Seriously, don't. Meet the situation with compassion and allow yourself to grow passed it.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I may actually get to have a partner in life. It's exciting. I know we won't always get along because no one ever does. It's what impermanence is all about. It's nice to know that we can actually discuss things now.

Sunday cemented my commitment to this path. It made me that much more grateful to the odd turn of events that set me on this road. One day I will thank that person. I will. It may sound like a dumb thing to be resolved to accomplish, but for me this has been an eye opening few months. Relationships have been mended. I've been changed. I've learned so much that I hadn't understood before.

Anger is poison, guys, let it go at every opportunity you have.


Angry Girl Grateful

The New Angry Girl on the Eightfold Path

Hi, My name is Amanda and I'm pissed at the world.

That would have been my introduction to people at large about two months ago. Hey, dealing with a life crumbling at a snail's pace will take a lot out of a girl. Don't judge. When I found Buddhism I was already trying to let go of all that anger I was harboring. It's like carrying around a giant leech that says bad things in your ear and you're all, "Ok, leech, I got this," but really you don't.

Had I known a t-shirt could change my life I would have tried to find it years ago. Through this one shirt I found so many avenues for change. At first, I was a little resistant to the idea of meditation helping me in any way, shape, or form. It was just something interesting to read about. Yea, well, we all have to stop lying to ourselves sometime, right?

The first time I sat down to meditate I fell asleep. Yep, the embarrassing kind of falling asleep. The one where your mouth is wide fucking open and a group of your husband's closest friends come over to find you cross legged in your chair, head tilted back, mouth open, out like a fucking light. Still, it must be doing something to have relaxed me so much, right?

So, I decided to try again. And I stayed awake that time. I love to use the guided meditations by Noah Levine. The Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society had some very helpful audio files on their homepage. Everything from Dharma talks, explained so even the biggest punk can get it and say ah-ha, to guided meditations.

Here's the link:  http://againstthestream.org/audio

Now you go enjoy that. Seriously, Noah is fucking amazing.

This blog is my effort to show people things can get better. I'm just a newb to the way of the Buddha. I can tell you this though, I have never felt more content in my life than I do now. So, if you're like me and the world has got you down, but you want to let it go, keep coming by. We can take this journey together.

An Angry Girl once lived here.