Keeping the Ball Rolling: Staten Island Five Months Later

             We're what seems like a long way from October, 2012. We've made it through Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's day, surviving some of the most hectic times of the year. The kids are back to school and we've all fallen back into out normal routine.
 
             Since Sandy struck the East Coast, leaving many homeless or in homes without power for weeks, we've had several shootings and a snow storm or two. Still, everyday I think of Staten Island from my home in Ohio. It got to the point that my four year old would ask me, anytime I started getting rid of stuff, "Are you sending that to New York."

              I think it's time for those of us who don't live on Staten Island, and have no friends or family to tell us, remind us, that recovery is still very much ongoing, to have a refresher. There may no longer be walls of debris in front of all the house, but there are still many houses renovating and dealing with the aftermath of the flooding and there are homes being demolished.

              This week on HBO's Girls, there was a session of Staten Island bashing. I get that being funny sometimes crosses lines and I also understand that this was shot months ago. However, the show could have used this as a way to raise awareness by running PSA's or commercials for charities. The absolute least the could have done was run a list of places to which you can donate to the still recovering people of Staten Island. In the aftermath of the show there has been a lot of talk of Staten Island, which is great, but lets make it talk with meaning.

              Today, as I was reading an article about the TV show, I also remembered another article I read recently. It had pictures of the devastation and it's a great reminder of why we still need to help. The article is located here.

              We need to remember that this is a community that, despite it all, has pulled together and helped each other. A community whose response to being forgotten was to take matters into its own hands and make a charity to help each other. Staten Strong has done so much and can only stand to help so much more. To donate, go to www.statenstrong.com they have shirts, hoodies, hats, or you can just donate money. There are no hoops, the help goes directly to people at street level. And once all this has settled, imagine all the good work Staten Strong can continue to do in other avenues.

              My blog has become just as much known for my support of Staten Staten strong and their efforts as it has as a blog about my journey into Buddhism, but I see the connection. Some of the main principals in Buddhism are compassion and loving-kindness. You find me a group that represents those two things more than the people over at Staten Strong and I'll buy you a pizza from Denino's, it might take me a while to get there, but you get my point.

             So, please, continue to keep Staten Island in your thoughts, lets make them the Unforgettable Borough instead of the forgotten one.


Angry Girl

Mommy, look! I'm Meditating too!

My oldest son, who is 9, has been really curious about my meditation practice lately. It's really awesome and I love that he has so many questions. I try to answer them as best I can. He like to tell his friends that his mom is Buddhist and then try to explain it. I think that's adorable. The other day, he asked me to teach him to meditate. I was taken aback at first because nine seems awfully young for that. Then I remember that this is the boy who found his faith in God through Veggie Tales on Netflix. He is a pretty amazing kid.

 So I started doing some research. It seems that there are many benefits to teaching children simple meditation. It can help then learn to focus better and be kinder. In today's society, where children are eating each other alive, learning a little kindness is a good thing. In the study they gave the child a stone to place on the belly so they could focus on their breathing. It showed that it actually changed the brain. Changing the brain is a huge effing deal. Meditation could really be the revolution we all need.

 After reading about all the benefits I think I am going to teach my son meditation, if I can. I am only a noob myself, but I think, with all the positives, it is really worth a shot. My nine year old has severe adhd and other learning issues, if teaching him something that is so simple, that I love, and that I do daily can really help him, I am all for it. If this does actually help promote kindness and focus in children then perhaps we should be teaching it everywhere.

 I'll start teaching him tomorrow and I'll keep everyone updated on my experiment with it. It really is an exciting prospect not just because of the benefits, but also because I get to spend time doing something I really believe in with my son. As I am not at all a person who has faith in God I can't really share that with him. I've always been of the mind that he should get to choose his own faith. So, when he began showing interest in God, I let him run with it. It sucked that I couldn't really be of more guidance to him in it, but I was happy for him that he found something that helped him be at ease. Now, I get to share with him what keeps me focused and on the right path.

 Here is a great article on it, short and sweet, but gets the point across: http://www.vancouversun.com/technology/Neuroscientist+touts+benefits+meditation+kids/6158952/story.html


  I'll update you guys in a week or so. Maybe we can start a revolution!


 Angry Girl

The End of The Tunnel

The last two days have been pretty emotional for me. I'm not going to share the catalyst, because that's for me, but I do want to share some things with you guys.

Most of my adult life I was lost in the dense for of fear, uncertainty, anger, a lot of negative emotions. There were times I was convinced I would never make it through. I thought I was lost forever like some poor girl in Goblin King's Labyrinth. Cancer, the bad health of a loved one, death, so much death. They tell you all things heal with time, I'm still not sure about that, but you can get passed all things with time.

Life has been trying to tell me lately that I am on the right path, and I don't just mean Buddhism. Every doubt I've had something has popped up to say, "Hey, you're doing it right. You've got this. It's ok." It's time for me to start listening.

When I started this blog I did it to pay it forward. An extremely random person, in an even more random way, had completely changed things for me and I wanted to let the universe know I appreciated it, so I wrote my first blog. It's been almost six months since that first blog and that girl writing that first blog is nearly unrecognizable to me.

Yesterday, for some reason, it was like it all hit me. I finally made it out of the long dark tunnel and into all the warm light I could ever want. I've been through the fire, the ice, up the mountain and down again, down into the deepest depths, and I'm still here. I'm still whole. I finally found myself again.

Don't ever give up. I don't care how hard things are, how beat down you feel,  never give up.

Angry Girl

Buddhism, A Secret Society?

I read a blog the other day that an awesome Twitter friend posted  http://fullcontactenlightenment.com In it was a link to a blog posted by a teacher about using Social Media and Buddhism. You can read it for yourself here.

I waited about a week before deciding to blog about this because I wanted to be as objective as possible about it. Now, I am more of a Theravadan girl myself and so I, admittedly, don't know much about Vajrayana. I am not sure at all about their teachings or the style of the teachers. Let me make it very clear, here and now, that I am not judging anyone. Anything I say from her on is just my opinion and thoughts.  It's just a reaction to a blog, so be chill. 

When I first read Rinpoche's blog, I was actually pretty shocked. I wear mala off and on and have, in fact, taken a picture of my mala and posted it on Twitter. I don't see it as a "fashion statement", not in the least bit. I'm sure there are people out there who talk the talk but fail to walk the walk. That can be said for any path of life, but judging, and yes he judges others throughout the entirety of his blog, whole swaths of people is wrong. He talks about not judging others for their choice in style of Buddhism, but he, as I said before, judges others through his whole blog. 

Why is Buddhism, my choice and deeply personal, too good to be posted alongside pictures of my cat? I'm of a generation where facebook and twitter are hangs outs. Posting pictures is the equivalent of putting posters on your bedroom wall. I don't know about you guys, but I didn't put up posters of stuff that didn't mean anything to me. Why, then, does it make me a poser to post things about Buddhism?  I have news for Mr. Rinpoche, in my area, Buddhism doesn't make me part of the cool social tribe. I've never once felt that way. 

I would never censor myself on my facebook or my Twitter. If I feel strongly about something, I post it. Yes, I do also joke and carry on normal conversations, but I don't think it makes me a "so-called" student to share with others how Buddhism has helped my life. Though I am not of the Vajrayana teaching  I would find it very hurtful and slightly offensive to see a teacher keep talking about "so-called" followers. In this day and age you have to get used to Social Media as a tool, not something to be shunned. 

As far as "secret" or "hidden" teachings or only truly being Buddhist if you have had the right teaching from the right people, I am beyond grateful not everyone thinks that way. No way would I be able to find something like that here. I wouldn't be Buddhist without the teachers who feel that the internet is a powerful tool to help educate others.  

Take the guys over at Against the Stream for example, they have a great set up for learning. It's open to everyone from anywhere. This is the first place I went to and was able to listen to Dharma talks and do guided meditations. I am forever grateful to these guys. I really hope more people follow their lead. 

I do also use my Social Media, including this blog, to help spread the word about causes and some charities, such as Staten Strong. It is probably one of the most powerful tools I have seen. Why should anyone be judged by whether or not they post thoughts on their deepest beliefs on Twitter?


Angry Girl, Confused  

Be Kind to the Poor Photographer

I am taking a step back from our regularly scheduled blog to bring you a PSA.

Do you get your pictures taken at Walmart? Sears? Have you ever had to wait forever when you get there and thought, "Damn it! I made an appointment online why the hell am I waiting?" and then took it out on the photographer? I'm sure you thought it was their fault or maybe it just made you grumpy to have to wait. During the shoot, even though you told the photographer a million times you only wanted one pose and they kept going, did you lose your cool and get snippy? What about after when you had to sit through long sales pitch only to find the deal you thought you were going to get had changed?

Hi, I used to be that photographer.

I worked in all three studios in my town for over a year. I came into the job used to shooting on location and pretty much however I wanted. And yes, Sears and Walmart ARE owned by the SAME people. Everything is the same, the prices, the way they teach you to sell, all of it. Though we weren't allowed to mention that because of branding issues. They also own Bella Photography, Shooting Stars, and some studios in Target. Coming from a fully manual, no franken-tripod, fetter free camera to the set up at walmart was traumatizing.

Seriously. Ever tried to get a good shot of a baby that just learned to crawl, but you can't get down on their level? Yea, it blows.At least at the Walmart studios you can't.  Of course, we had the table we used to pose babies on, but a crawling baby on a table is a stroke waiting to happen. Luckily, I never had anyone fall off the table, though there was one near miss with a friend's baby. It's ok, we caught her. I've had many a parent suggest I pull out the white "sheet". Often, I found myself embarrassed to pull out the white muslin, which is, basically, a giant white sheet. We used to be able to take it home and wash it, then the rule was changed to only the District Manager could.Well, when your DM lives in  a different state, your muslin down't get a while lot of washin'. There were footprints all over it. Once I even had a guy drive his mobility scooter onto it (I told him to) and there were tire tracks on it.

Can you imagine, as an employee, having to pull that out and try to assure the people it won't look that bad on camera? I stopped saying it after a while and started laying white blankets and such over the spot I wanted to use.

Then, there's the prop situation. I had a ton of props at my house from my own business. At walmart we were required to shoot 6-9 sellable poses, when I left it was actually 12-14. When the only props in the studio are dirty white columns, scuffed up brown boxes, flowers, and pearls it gets tough. People want unique and beautiful pictures, I don't blame them. When your props haven't seen their prime in about twenty years it is hard to create that for people.

Now, Sears is a horse of a different color.

At Sears we often worked so understaffed that, by the end of the day, you had probably sweated off a small child's weight and most of your dignity.  There was much more to work with there and the tripod went all the way to the floor, which was great.

When you go to these places you have to understand that, for the most part, the people working there are NOT photographers. They are people who were hired in off the street and had no experience. That's why the camera at walmart focuses it's self and you can't move it. They teach you the basics and then throw you to the wolves. So if an asscociate seems lost, they probably are, but please be patient. This very well good be the person's first day alone and they could be swimming in deep water full of sharks while bleeding from an artery. If you get rude with them, they probably won't be very nice to you.

Please remember that a Walmart Photog is NOT a miracle worker. If you bring in your baby at nap time, don't get mad at them if they don't smile. When every trick in their arsenal has been exhausted and you still don't have a smile consider coming back later in the day or another day. They want you to have an excellent picture just as badly as you do, but that rarely can be achieved with a tired, cranky child.

Another thing to keep in mind, people sometimes have to drive from hours away to get to work. It's what you would call a "floating" position. People call off, constantly, and others have to be brought in from elsewhere to cover. If they are a few minutes late take that into consideration. Who knows what the road conditions were or traffic. I know it's inconvenient for you, but imagine what it much be like for them to find out they have to drive two hours for work that day and only got an hour and a half notice.

If you bring in food, snacks for kids is always a helpful tool for sure, please try not to string it across creation. The person working has to clean that up and be ready for the shoot. I once had someone bring in cherrios and cheetos for their toddlers. It wouldn't have been an issue, if they hadn't let their kids run around the studio stomping the food into the floor while they looked at the pictures. It was already a mess in there as I had done something like 5 shoots in the span of two hours and had another right after. Then there was the time I watched a parent sit and watch as both their children pour pop, one of them orange, out on the floor because they were angry then did nothing.

And a tip for those of you who get mad when you show up after making an appointment online and your appointment has been double booked. The 1-800 number and the website neither one have anyway of knowing if, when multiple camera rooms are present, there is enough coverage that day or if both camera rooms are actually working. This was a huge issue at the Sears I worked at. I felt terrible when it happened, even worse when some of them were through with me, but there was nothing I could have done. The close time was 6, but someone could actually schedule a 6. Sometimes I didn't get home until 9 or 10.

So before you go off on the photographer because you had a bad experience, keep a few things in mind.
1. This could be there 7th day straight working.
2. They could be new and lost.
3. They have probably cleaned up more after your kids than they have their own that week.
4. Nap time appointments are a bad idea.
5. They get paid crap and are expected to do more than you can imagine.
6. They could have missed lunch due to a walk in because if they say no they can be fired.
7. If something gets overbooked they can't control that.
8. They HAVE to do the sales pitch.
9. Cleanliness of backgrounds can't always be controlled.
10. They just want to be treated like a person, not a piece of equipment.


So, to sum it up, being kind goes a long way.

Glad to be Free
Angry Girl

The Heart of A Child

Tonight, inspired by our friends over at Chocolate and A Pen, I want to share a story with you.

As a kid, I moved three times before finally getting to stick with a school. In kindergarten and first grade I attended a small country school. I had many friends and I loved my teachers. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a kid, at least from my generation, who had a bad kindergarten/first grade experience. In the second grade we moved and I went to a bigger, in town, school. Being the new kid always sucks. Unfortunately for me, I was also socially awkward. I've always been the geeky girl, it's just who I am. At first, I had no friends. I was sure, once the year wore on, that would change. By the time I was bringing my stuffed animals to school so I would have someone to play with at recess it was painfully obvious that was not the case. I eventually made a few friends and, after the third grade, I moved again.

The fourth grade found me at South Vienna Elementary, the school I would get to call my own. On the first day I found a group of friends that have stuck with me to this day. When I walked into the cafeteria for lunch I shyly looked around for a seat finding the only table with room was beside a girl in blue shorts/overalls and the longest braid I have ever seen. Little did I know that girl would remain my friend well into my adult life. My first experience with real bullying came about when I made friends with a couple of girls. They were close friends and they brought me in. I was so excited. Shortly into the friendship they started fighting. Using me as a go between, they said hurtful things to each other. Eventually, they made up and turned on me.

After that first experience I was bullied constantly. Between grades 5 and 8 my mom had to change our phone number six times because a group of girls I used to be friends with had started calling me and saying the most hurtful things to me. I'm still not sure why I didn't just hang up. Why did I just stand there listening to them in shock? By the seventh grade, it became clear that my small group of friends were my only ally. I would never be the popular girl, not that I had ever really wanted that, but being an outcast was never something I had expected to be.

By eighth grade things had gotten so bad that I had begun coming home in tears everyday. I was called pizza face, told I looked like a boy, despite it being OBVIOUS I wasn't, called names, pushed. At that point I had very little self worth. Not everyone rebounds from this kind of treatment. Hell, I still have issues from it.

Add to this scenario a best friend, remember the girl with the braid, who was also viciously bullied and it's a heavy situation. I cannot tell you the number of nights I've sat with her while she cried, the times I've stood up for her when she couldn't stand up for herself. All the ways I have been her soul when her own had fled to the shadows.

Last night, in my area, an 11 year old girl took matters into her own hands. Because she couldn't stop the bullying, she stopped living.

When children are bullying other children to death at the age of 11 we need to, as a society, take a good long look at ourselves. A child should never feel so alone and broken that the only way out is death. This is completely unacceptable to me. I feel her pain. I know what it's like to get up and feel like your body is made of lead because you know that all you have to look forward to that day is the endless jabs. I've seen the devastation it leaves behind in others.

How did this happen? When did children stop being innocent and start eating each other alive? Our society used to be based on community. My Great-Grandpa lost an arm in a corn husker accident. While he recovered the neighbors brought in his crop. That kind of stuff doesn't happen a lot in our world.

It's time to end this insanity. The zero tolerance policies often blow back in the victims face, not the bullies. Parents seem to be apathetic to how their child is treating others. It's time to bring back the innocence of our children. I don't want to live in a world where this generation is in charge. So many of them are so quick to spew hatred without ever trying to understand or forgive.

I look at my sweet, loving, kind nine year old son and I see the pattern repeating. He's been kicked in the back, pushed, called names, and told Santa wasn't real. The sad part is that he has a developmental delay and will protect the bullies, trying his damnedest to convince me they were just playing so I won't go to the principal. I lucked out. He goes to the same school I attended and the principal was my seventh grade science teacher.

Mr. Justice is an amazing man. There has never been someone more suited to their job. When he walks down the halls the children's faces light up and they give him high fives and hugs. I will forever be grateful to the man for helping protect my child. I have no doubt my son is safe. I can go to him with any concern.

This world needs more Mr. Justices.

Please help me take a stand against bullying. If you were bullied as a child and have a blog please share your story. Lets send a message to the children who are struggling. You CAN survive and things WILL get better. You will not always feel lost in a dense fog in the dark night. Eventually you will find yourself and see that you were there all along.

Those of us born of fire can rarely be extinguished. We may sputter and burn dimly for a time, but soon our flame returns and we blind others with our resilient hearts. Though you may be burning low now, believe me you will burn as brightly as a star.


Angry Gril

Hey! Shut the Door, You're Letting Out the Hot Air! Tales of a Buddhist Mom

I have three kids. the oldest is 9 and then I have one that is 6 and one just about to turn 5. As I was showering this morning, saying, "Please shut the door," for what I was sure was the eight millionth time, I had an idea for a blog.  Having kids really affects your practice. I know not all of your will get that, but it really does.

My oldest son is very into God and I'm ok with that. If he has questions I have to, typically, send him to his father because it has been years since I've been in a church and I don't really want to chance something I say may color his newly budding faith. Not far into my practice he started asking me questions about it. I was cool with that, too. He'd sit with me when I was meditating. It was awesome bonding.

Then, it happened- his younger brothers started taking notice.

Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with my kids, but when you're trying to be still and focus on your breath having two small children basically climbing on you like playground equipment is distracting. For a while, I would try to meditate after they were in bed. All that accomplished was me waking up to the sound of the bell saying, "Wait, what? Ugh, fuck." Then I decided to try to meditate while the two oldest were at school. One kids couldn't be that distracting, right? Nope, even when immersed in a video game world of lego people that explode to bits, he would come straight to me when he knew I was getting ready to meditate. It was like he had a psychic ability for it. He could be in the playroom engrossed by Boba Fett attacking a t-rex and still, as soon as I would let my butt hit the chair, he'd come running out.

Now, I don't know how many of you have tried to focus on your breathing while a small child is on you, but it goes something like this. Sit down, headphones on, guided meditation playing, breathe in and out, in and out, in and out, then BAM something is tugging your hair. You try to make do with the situation just as you hear, loudly, in your ear (that they have removed the earbud from) "Mommy! ARE YOU MEDITATING!" By that point, I just shut the laptop and try again another time.

Even trying to meditate in the shower fails horribly for me. It seems like every five seconds one of them in rushing in to tell me the latest injustice done to them by one of their brothers or they have to use the bathroom. I've considered learning how to say, "Shut the door," in as many languages as possible just to keep myself entertained. My goal for the year? I want to take an uninterrupted shower.I know, I know, I have lofty goals. I should probably aim lower because it is more likely that I will meet Chuck Norris, dressed in drag, on the corner of Main Street.

How many other Buddhist Moms are out there? I know you hear me. Share your own story, if you'd like!

Angry Girl

As a side note, it took me about forty-five minutes to write this blog. In that time I had to get a blanket,be pillow, open a remote controlled mini tank, have several conversations about the Army of Darkness, and avoid a meltdown.