I have been going through some heavy shit lately. Instead of turning to my practice I took on more suffering than I could handle and some if it was not my own. In my life I tend to overly empathize with the people I care about. I am loyal sometimes to the point of self detriment. It is extremely hard for me to draw boundaries between myself and those people.
As if it isn't hard enough not to take your own shit personally, I have to try to not take their shit personally too? Let me tell you, it is not possible to live under those conditions. Hell, I have only just started being able to get how to meet situations withe compassion. Buddhism is hard, people, but nothing worth doing is easy and it does change you. If you stick with it.
Today I was restless. I lashed out at people who had nothing to do with what I was upset about. Basically, I was back at square fucking one. It's been a draining week. So, at some point this evening, I decided to start listening to some Dharma talks, reading Against the Stream, trying to see if that would help. It did help, somewhat. Still I was so damn restless.
My next step was to start some meditation. By this point it was almost midnight, but I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon, so why not. I started by re-trying Tonglen meditation. That stuff is intense or it is for me, at least. It was helpful, but I am still restless. I know that I will have to sit with this emotion for a while. I will have to process it and move on from it. I'm hoping to regain the level of mindfulness I had before the setback.
I've learned that I am only human. I will fall, stumble, and go backwards on this path, but as long as I get up, dust myself off, and try again that's ok. It's just the nature of life. You can't take on the world's problems because they aren't yours to solve.
Angry Girl, Forgiven
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Against the Stream
When I finished Dharma Punx I decided I really wanted to read Noah Levine's next book, Against the Stream: A Buddhist Manual for Spiritual Revolutionaries. So, I got on amazon and bought a used copy. It came yesterday.
I'm about twenty-five pages in. So far, I love it. I didn't think I wouldn't like it because I listen to his Dharma talks at Against the Stream and I love those. I like to joke and tell my husband that Dharma talks are kind of like church, which I guess is pretty accurate. The thing with Noah and most of the Against the Stream teachers I have listened to is that it never feels like church. It feel like you are listening to a friend tell you about Buddhism. He's down to earth and up front. There is no guessing. The same goes for this book. I will tell you more about it when I finish!
If you aren't a reader, he actually has a series of Dharma talks that tell the story of the Buddha and the core teachings. You could listen to those instead.
Here are the first two installments of the series:
Buddha's Quest for Liberation
Buddha at the Bodhi Tree
I actually listened to both of them last night.
On the meeting Ryan Hurst front there have been exciting developments. I found out he will be at an expo about forty-five minutes from me on January fifth. I am beyond excited! That means in seventeen days I could be meeting him and letting him know I appreciate the unintentional change he affected in my life! That is awesome. I plan on getting the picture that started it all signed. Seems fitting, right?
Now, onto the Staten Strong front. My shirts came in this week and I love them! I've had people ask me questions about them when I wear them so it's a way to help raise awareness as well. If you'd like to show your support for Staten Strong just go to www.statenstrong.com and you can either donate or buy a shirt/hoodie. All the money goes directly to the people of Staten Island. I know they recently used it to buy chemicals to ward off mold, which is a growing problem there right now.
I'm about twenty-five pages in. So far, I love it. I didn't think I wouldn't like it because I listen to his Dharma talks at Against the Stream and I love those. I like to joke and tell my husband that Dharma talks are kind of like church, which I guess is pretty accurate. The thing with Noah and most of the Against the Stream teachers I have listened to is that it never feels like church. It feel like you are listening to a friend tell you about Buddhism. He's down to earth and up front. There is no guessing. The same goes for this book. I will tell you more about it when I finish!
If you aren't a reader, he actually has a series of Dharma talks that tell the story of the Buddha and the core teachings. You could listen to those instead.
Here are the first two installments of the series:
Buddha's Quest for Liberation
Buddha at the Bodhi Tree
I actually listened to both of them last night.
On the meeting Ryan Hurst front there have been exciting developments. I found out he will be at an expo about forty-five minutes from me on January fifth. I am beyond excited! That means in seventeen days I could be meeting him and letting him know I appreciate the unintentional change he affected in my life! That is awesome. I plan on getting the picture that started it all signed. Seems fitting, right?
Now, onto the Staten Strong front. My shirts came in this week and I love them! I've had people ask me questions about them when I wear them so it's a way to help raise awareness as well. If you'd like to show your support for Staten Strong just go to www.statenstrong.com and you can either donate or buy a shirt/hoodie. All the money goes directly to the people of Staten Island. I know they recently used it to buy chemicals to ward off mold, which is a growing problem there right now.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The State of Things
I was going to post about what happened. Give my thoughts on the state of things and then, I realized, it doesn't matter what I think of this situation. What matters is that we try to change things to keep it from happening again. That we put ourselves to service to help heal the wound left behind. When I got so bogged down and upset yesterday I turned to Tonglen meditation after already doing a round of present time awareness.
After my first round of meditation I felt better, for a while. It was hard to keep things in perspective and it eventually brought me back down into suffering. So I tried Tonglen meditation for the first time. In this meditation, which is used a lot by the Tibetan tradition, you confront suffering. Instead of turning your back to it you breathe it into your heart center.It really opens your eyes to things and I recommend it.
Here is the guided Tonglen.
Here is the guided Present Time Awareness.
This morning, while baking Christmas cookies (what can I say, I'm a multitasking Angry Girl) I listened to a Dharma talk about the seven factors of enlightenment which can be found here . It really addresses some of the basics of Buddhism pretty well. Noah, as always, puts things in easy to follow terms.
I know this blog isn't as in depth as I normally get, but yesterday, as I am sure it did for you, really bogged me down. To all my readers, whoever you are, always remember to enjoy the moment you are in. You never know what can happen and it is the only way to truly live.
Also, update on meeting Ryan Hurst. Found out, by a chance conversation my husband had at work, that he will be in my area on the 5th. I am so fucking excited I can hardly stand it. Here is hoping I don't come off as some weird stalker girl and he gets why I am thanking him.
Angry Girl
After my first round of meditation I felt better, for a while. It was hard to keep things in perspective and it eventually brought me back down into suffering. So I tried Tonglen meditation for the first time. In this meditation, which is used a lot by the Tibetan tradition, you confront suffering. Instead of turning your back to it you breathe it into your heart center.It really opens your eyes to things and I recommend it.
Here is the guided Tonglen.
Here is the guided Present Time Awareness.
This morning, while baking Christmas cookies (what can I say, I'm a multitasking Angry Girl) I listened to a Dharma talk about the seven factors of enlightenment which can be found here . It really addresses some of the basics of Buddhism pretty well. Noah, as always, puts things in easy to follow terms.
I know this blog isn't as in depth as I normally get, but yesterday, as I am sure it did for you, really bogged me down. To all my readers, whoever you are, always remember to enjoy the moment you are in. You never know what can happen and it is the only way to truly live.
Also, update on meeting Ryan Hurst. Found out, by a chance conversation my husband had at work, that he will be in my area on the 5th. I am so fucking excited I can hardly stand it. Here is hoping I don't come off as some weird stalker girl and he gets why I am thanking him.
Angry Girl
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Dharma Punx: Memoir of Punk Monk Noah Levine
When I started my search on Buddhism a few months ago I happened across a book called, Dharma Punx: A Memoir. After reading the description of the book, I set out with great anticipation to the closest book store, forty-five minutes from me, to buy it. When I started reading it I was immediately fascinated by Noah Levine's story. Here was this guy, truly suffering for most off his life, who found peace through the Dharma.
His path takes him from troubled kid to homeless street punk, to addict, to the spiritual path that saved his life. It was amazing to read how the Dharma affected change in his life, little by little. It reminds you that it is worth every bit of effort you put into it. It was through this book that I found the Dharma Punx site ( here ) and then the Against the Stream site ( here )
Noah has used his spiritual practice not just to better himself, but to better his friends, family, and community. Spending a large amount of his life in service he has had many amazing experiences. He has met the Dalai Lama several times. Yet, through all his powerful experiences he has stayed in touch with his Punk Rock roots. He definitely speaks to me on my level and I really like that in a teacher. throughout this book he is extremely honest and that is a refreshing thing in that you get to see exactly what the dharma means to him.
He allows the reader to see how the Dharma affects even his most personal relationships. It's really an amazing telling of a story that is seemingly unlikely. Some of my favorite parts of the book are when he travels to the holy-sites in Asia. You get a pretty clear picture of what it is like traveling in those countries and how much the experience did for him
If I am listening to a dharma talk, chances are, it is a Noah Levine talk from Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society. (here) I also use that link for my guided meditation.
I would recommend this book even to my non-buddhist friends. More than just being a tool to spread the Dharma it is also an incredible story about the human spirit and the power of hope.
Angry Girl
His path takes him from troubled kid to homeless street punk, to addict, to the spiritual path that saved his life. It was amazing to read how the Dharma affected change in his life, little by little. It reminds you that it is worth every bit of effort you put into it. It was through this book that I found the Dharma Punx site ( here ) and then the Against the Stream site ( here )
Noah has used his spiritual practice not just to better himself, but to better his friends, family, and community. Spending a large amount of his life in service he has had many amazing experiences. He has met the Dalai Lama several times. Yet, through all his powerful experiences he has stayed in touch with his Punk Rock roots. He definitely speaks to me on my level and I really like that in a teacher. throughout this book he is extremely honest and that is a refreshing thing in that you get to see exactly what the dharma means to him.
He allows the reader to see how the Dharma affects even his most personal relationships. It's really an amazing telling of a story that is seemingly unlikely. Some of my favorite parts of the book are when he travels to the holy-sites in Asia. You get a pretty clear picture of what it is like traveling in those countries and how much the experience did for him
If I am listening to a dharma talk, chances are, it is a Noah Levine talk from Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society. (here) I also use that link for my guided meditation.
I would recommend this book even to my non-buddhist friends. More than just being a tool to spread the Dharma it is also an incredible story about the human spirit and the power of hope.
Angry Girl
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Taking Already Broken to the Next Level
December always makes me kind of obsessive about death. I know that seems like an odd correlation, but there you have it. I've had a grandfather who died in December and then two years ago I lost my eighteen year old cousin to a stupid car accident. He never met his daughter, his mother was devastated. It really made me understand that no one is safe. Anyone can die at any moment. For a while I was really negatively affected by that realization. As a former cancer patient my mortality is something I am aware of. So, when you add that other realization to it and a dash of my own anxiety you get one girl who is a mess when she thought about death.
I've dealt with that some since then. Still, it is fresh in my mind as we come up on the anniversary. Last night I decided to search the archives over at Against the Stream, here , and actually find a talk about death. I tend to favor Noah Levine for my Dharma talks. I've been branching out some, but last night I went back to good old Noah.
In the beginning of the talk he mention Ajahn Cha and his cup. You remember my blog about that being already broken? That story. Instead of that lesson though he went on to suggest we should look at people as being already dead. Same principal, but use it to help with grief. How would that change your life? Would it make you stop trying if you saw everyone as impermanent as they really are? Would you just start being a huge bitch to everyone? Or, more likely, would you learn that everyone is precious. That everyone is gone and you never know when that will happen so maybe you shouldn't hang on to the anger you have about them stealing that pair of socks you really loved.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. I get it, in theory. If you see everyone like you would see the cup it should be easier to let them go. Death, though, is such a huge thing for so many people, I'm not sure if that would help or make people jerks.
What are your thoughts?
Here is the actual talk .
P.S. I think I like Vinny's Dharma talk style to. I'll let you knew next time!
Angry Girl Contemplative
I've dealt with that some since then. Still, it is fresh in my mind as we come up on the anniversary. Last night I decided to search the archives over at Against the Stream, here , and actually find a talk about death. I tend to favor Noah Levine for my Dharma talks. I've been branching out some, but last night I went back to good old Noah.
In the beginning of the talk he mention Ajahn Cha and his cup. You remember my blog about that being already broken? That story. Instead of that lesson though he went on to suggest we should look at people as being already dead. Same principal, but use it to help with grief. How would that change your life? Would it make you stop trying if you saw everyone as impermanent as they really are? Would you just start being a huge bitch to everyone? Or, more likely, would you learn that everyone is precious. That everyone is gone and you never know when that will happen so maybe you shouldn't hang on to the anger you have about them stealing that pair of socks you really loved.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. I get it, in theory. If you see everyone like you would see the cup it should be easier to let them go. Death, though, is such a huge thing for so many people, I'm not sure if that would help or make people jerks.
What are your thoughts?
Here is the actual talk .
P.S. I think I like Vinny's Dharma talk style to. I'll let you knew next time!
Angry Girl Contemplative
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Supporting Staten Island After the Media Leaves and An Update On Staten Strong
Right now, in New York, there are twelve thousand people trying to live in homes with compromised electrical systems, furnaces that don't work, and the temperatures are dropping. They could go to emergency shelters, but many people are reporting that its seems like there are more already homeless people at those shelters and that it makes them uncomfortable. Lets face it, folks, most of use would be staying in our gutted homes. It's our home.
As media focus on Staten Island and the other affected areas, such as Seaside New Jersey, wanes we need to keep our eye on their struggles. Giving at the height of a disaster is a no-brainer. While we are inundated with tragic pictures on TV, internet, and all other media outlets it is easy to see the reason to give. Many of us think, "That could be my home," and we endeavor to help. Helping in the immediate aftermath is a great thing. It helps people get relief in the form of water, flashlights, clothes, mops, buckets, food, many of the basics we take for granted daily.
Often times, I think the shrinking coverage equates to recovery in our minds. Sadly, this is not the case. Many people are still scrambling to remove harmful and damaging mold from their homes. More people are just trying to find a place to live. To repair or, in some cases, just save the home to be repaired later. Staten Island and the surrounding areas still need our support.
There has been a rise in cold related ER visits from last year, probably due to the people trying to make it by in their homes that lack heat. On top of that mold can cause a multitude of illnesses and aggravate asthma. Even the people fixing their homes are risking their health because of the inhalation of construction dust. People trying to keep warm with fires in their homes are accidentally starting fires. I can't imagine making it through all that with a repairable home only to damage it further just trying to keep warm.
The amazing community of Staten Island has come together to support each other, but some are being told they have to move their hubs because they are taking up too much of the sidewalk. Read more about that here. I've also seen many articles mentioning how mishandled this has been by FEMA. You would think that agency would have learned something from Katrina. Lets prove that we did.
The charity, Staten Strong, was created out of the clear need for the community to be able to get to the funds to help each other. We think when we donate to the Red Cross or phone-a-thons that the money goes directly and immediately to the people who need it, but it doesn't. There's red tape to go through and then the fact that the money may be allocated for one thing when what it is really needed for is mold killing solutions. Staten Strong is an amazing charity started by people from Staten Island who have actually used that money to buy mold killing solution, which was desperately needed. The money can go to the families who've lost everything to buy clothes, appliances, whatever it is that is needed at the time. I think it is a testament to the resilience of the spirit of the community and the human spirit in general.
As of today, right now, this second, Staten Strong has raised $24,816 for the people in need. I am a proud contributor and advocate of this charity. They have a couple of events coming up. One of is a Gala on December 27, check out some info on the Staten Strong facebook page here or buy tickets here. If you'd like to keep up date on events or just see pictures of the Staten Strong team in action you can follow them on twitter here.
Pleas take a minute out of your day and donate anything you can at www.statenstrong.com. They also have hoodies and t-shirts available. I ordered mine before Thanksgiving so I can show everyone my Staten Strong pride.
For info on how to help people in New Jersey go to www.shorehelpers.com Please continue to keep up the support for Staten Strong and Staten Island.
Angry Girl, Staten Strong
As media focus on Staten Island and the other affected areas, such as Seaside New Jersey, wanes we need to keep our eye on their struggles. Giving at the height of a disaster is a no-brainer. While we are inundated with tragic pictures on TV, internet, and all other media outlets it is easy to see the reason to give. Many of us think, "That could be my home," and we endeavor to help. Helping in the immediate aftermath is a great thing. It helps people get relief in the form of water, flashlights, clothes, mops, buckets, food, many of the basics we take for granted daily.
Often times, I think the shrinking coverage equates to recovery in our minds. Sadly, this is not the case. Many people are still scrambling to remove harmful and damaging mold from their homes. More people are just trying to find a place to live. To repair or, in some cases, just save the home to be repaired later. Staten Island and the surrounding areas still need our support.
There has been a rise in cold related ER visits from last year, probably due to the people trying to make it by in their homes that lack heat. On top of that mold can cause a multitude of illnesses and aggravate asthma. Even the people fixing their homes are risking their health because of the inhalation of construction dust. People trying to keep warm with fires in their homes are accidentally starting fires. I can't imagine making it through all that with a repairable home only to damage it further just trying to keep warm.
The amazing community of Staten Island has come together to support each other, but some are being told they have to move their hubs because they are taking up too much of the sidewalk. Read more about that here. I've also seen many articles mentioning how mishandled this has been by FEMA. You would think that agency would have learned something from Katrina. Lets prove that we did.
The charity, Staten Strong, was created out of the clear need for the community to be able to get to the funds to help each other. We think when we donate to the Red Cross or phone-a-thons that the money goes directly and immediately to the people who need it, but it doesn't. There's red tape to go through and then the fact that the money may be allocated for one thing when what it is really needed for is mold killing solutions. Staten Strong is an amazing charity started by people from Staten Island who have actually used that money to buy mold killing solution, which was desperately needed. The money can go to the families who've lost everything to buy clothes, appliances, whatever it is that is needed at the time. I think it is a testament to the resilience of the spirit of the community and the human spirit in general.
As of today, right now, this second, Staten Strong has raised $24,816 for the people in need. I am a proud contributor and advocate of this charity. They have a couple of events coming up. One of is a Gala on December 27, check out some info on the Staten Strong facebook page here or buy tickets here. If you'd like to keep up date on events or just see pictures of the Staten Strong team in action you can follow them on twitter here.
Pleas take a minute out of your day and donate anything you can at www.statenstrong.com. They also have hoodies and t-shirts available. I ordered mine before Thanksgiving so I can show everyone my Staten Strong pride.
For info on how to help people in New Jersey go to www.shorehelpers.com Please continue to keep up the support for Staten Strong and Staten Island.
Angry Girl, Staten Strong
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